Claire McArthurBeing single for 21 years leads me think about what unattainable guys would be like as boyfriends (like last weeks article on dating monsters… that’s desperation). Would James Franco remember to message me after he’s finished filming? Is Prince Harry as big a bar star as the tabloids make him out to be? – I can only hope! Would Derrick Rose pick me up at center court of the United Center after he wins the NBA Finals? Although all of these celebrities seems super fun, I’ve always been a sucker for a musician… obviously, who isn’t? So I’ve made a quick list of what I think musicians would be like as boyfriends. Through their songs and angst-y hipster lyricism it can be quite easy to understand these men and what they would be like as boyfriends compared to other famous men.
Drake
He would love me a lot, but would be so confused by it and by his feelings. Constantly at odds over whether to go out with his crew (he doesn’t know who he’s gonna lose this year!) or come out with me is difficult for Drake. He also struggles with the fame that his seemingly over-night mega celebrity status brought him, which only puts strain on our relationship. The constant line of rap video girls outside his trailer makes it extremely difficult for him to stay faithful to his true love (me) by saying “no” to all the other girls throwing themselves at him. I’d feel bad for him, but in the end, despite our common love of Toronto our relationship wouldn’t work. I’m sorry Drake, but it’s not me, it’s you. Don’t worry though, you used to be paralyzed and now you can walk– you can overcome anything.
Avicii
Beyond the constant after parties, the pounding bass and the language barrier I think Avicii would be a pretty cool boyfriend. All of his songs make me super happy, so why wouldn’t Avicii make me happy too? I don’t know how he’d feel about my Biggie obsession but hopefully he’d get over that. He would hopefully introduce me to Swedish House Mafia and then I could become girls with their wives and we could have our own reality show– The Real Housewives… get it? The deal breaker with Avicii though? His hair. Everyone knows I’m a sucker for flow.
Bruno Mars
He would love me unconditionally- thinking I’m perfect just the way I am and everything. However, I really don’t think I’d be about a guy like Bruno. I mean he seems super clingy and emotional… ALL. THE. TIME. I can’t deal with that. Like I’ve said in the past, if you message me good morning, you’ll last a day but if you act like I don’t exist, you’ll last a week. Maybe. I’d keep him around just to play me songs in the morning as I wake up. After I break up with Bruno he’ll go run away into the darkness and write a platinum album, all because of me. You’re welcome.
Wiz Khalifa
Wiz would be a sick boyfriend. He seems like he’s always down to party and if this video is any indication of the kinds of parties he throws, sign me up. However, his extra curricular activity of choice, I can imagine, would only lead to broken promises, forgotten dates and cryptic text messages. However, maybe the green is worth it.
Any Country Singer
Since I would never live on a farm, wake up at 6am to feed chickens, love riding shot gun of a pick up truck over the back seat of a Rolls, or get over the twang in the guys voice, the thought of dating a country star is so unbelievable that it hasn’t even crossed my mind.
Adam Levine
I would want Adam to write at least three songs about me and maybe name his next album “Songs about Claire.” I think it has a nice ring to it, don’t you? The problem being, he has obviously had some very troublesome relationships in the past. Like he wanted to kill a guy in one of his songs, he is all depressed and not getting out of bed in another… I don’t think Adam needs a girlfriend or a hit single as much as he needs a therapist. Also, Jagger’s really old, like really really old– I don’t know if I want my boyfriend to have “moves” like him.
So next time you hear one of these guys’ songs on the radio, don’t just assume they’d be a great boyfriend, make sure to really think about what they’d be like.
