The Rules Not Followed

My poor poor mother. Together with my father, they had the daunting task of trying to raise me. I think they did pretty well! However, there are a few things that I never listened to my parents about. Even though I’m older and I don’t have to listen to them directly anymore, I still get a pang of guilt in my stomach whenever I disobey one of my mom’s cardinal’s rules. Here is a list of my mother’s rules that I decided to disregard. Sorry mom, I hope you never read this.

1. Never put your drink down at a party.

I adhered to this all throughout high school. I would watch my Diet Coke like a hawk throughout the night and ensure that it never left my hands. My mom was convinced that someone at the grade nine basement party was going to roofie me. However, now that I’m older, I will lose my precious Diet Coke for hours at pre drinks before going back to it. So far, I have a 100% non roofie record, and that includes Cancun. I think I’m safe.

2. Cross at the Stoplights.

Why would I cross the street at the cross lights when I can play a game called “Let’s play in Traffic” where the slogan is #WinOrGetHitByATruck? This leads to me not having to walk all fifteen feet to the cross walk and then wait for the little walking man to appear. I’ll take my chances in the fast lane… see what I did there?

3. Don’t eat off a knife.

I’m in university and live as a university student. If there is a piece of cutlery, I’m going to eat off of it. I don’t discriminate against utensils– forks, spoons, spatulas, knives, pizza cutters… whatever.

4. Let them be gone!

The nemisis of teenagers everywhere… Parents!

I remember whenever I used to go to a friends house my mother would always insist on asking if the person’s parents were going to be home. Obviously, I answered a rehearsed “yes”. Obviously, the real answer was “I hope not.” Then, I was never allowed to have boys over when my parents were not home. I decided that this was a bogus rule that needed to be broken. So whenever my parents would leave, I’d do a simple question-answer making it look like I was interested in their night, when really I was only trying to figure out when I needed to kick Joey out by. But actually, his name was Joey.

5. Don’t watch Cops.

Whatcha gonna do when they come for you?

Are you kidding me?! You want me to casually go to bed during the best tv show ever?! See ya nevs, mom.
I don’t think my mom appreciated Cops quite like I did. I think I was just ahead of this whole reality tv craze. Cops was more dramatic than the Bachelor, more action packed than Fear Factor and more psychological than Survivor… the criminals were straight crazy.

So try as my parents might to drill certain rules and regulations into my head, I was still able to get away with some fun things. But why not, you’re never as young as you are right now, right? I just figured that out at an early age.